My graduation project is based on personal experience and the book “The Bell Jar” by Sylvia Plath.
The subject is fear of commitment. In the film the main character, Sylvia, meets a guy at a party. She starts fantasizing about what kind of life they could have together. When he lets her know that he is also interested in her and wants to get to know her better, she declines and he gets added to all the other people she’s had imaginairy relationships with.
I want to approach this subject in a poetic way. For me this means that I want to bring across the feeling that she has.
My research will be about the combination of poetry and animation. How do the two work together, are most autonomous animations not already poetry, what does poetry even really mean, does it need text or is it more about the rythm?
In my previous research document I have researched fear of commitment in millennials. It appears to be a bigger problem for this generation than it was before.
POETRY AND QUOTES
“And then I wondered if as soon as he came to like me he would sink into ordinariness, and if as soon as he came to love me I would find fault after fault, the way I did with Buddy Willard and the boys before him. The same thing happened over and over: I would catch sight of some flawless man off in the distance, but as soon as he moved closer I immediately saw he wouldn’t do at all.”
“There I went again, building up a glamorous picture of a man who would love me passionately the minute he met me, and all out of a few prosy nothings.”
“A person doesn’t know true hurt and suffering until they’ve felt the pain of falling in love with someone whose affections lie elsewhere.”
“Fisher’s model of how mating works is that we have evolved three different brain systems for it: The sex drive, intense feelings for romantic love and a desire for deep attachment.”
– Commitment for Millennials: Is it OK Cupid?
the flesh covers the bone
and they put a mind
in there and
sometimes a soul,
and the women break
vases against the walls
and the men drink too
and nobody finds the
crawling in and out
the bone and the
for more than
there’s no chance
we are all trapped
by a singular
nobody ever finds
the city dumps fill
the junkyards fill
the madhouses fill
the hospitals fill
the graveyards fill
Welcome to the wonderful world of jealousy, he thought. For the price of admission, you get a splitting headache, a nearly irresistable urge to commit murder, and an inferiority complex. Yippee.”
“We have to recognise that there cannot be relationships unless there is commitment, unless there is loyalty, unless there is love, patience, persistence.”
“She had become accustomed to being lonely. She was used to walking alone and to being considered ‘different.’ She did not suffer too much.”
“I hate all those flirty-birty games that women make up. Life’s too short. If you ever find a man you love, don’t waste time hanging your head and simpering. Go right up to him and say, ‘I love you. How about getting married?”
“God, but life is loneliness, despite all the opiates, despite the shrill tinsel gaiety of “parties” with no purpose, despite the false grinning faces we all wear. And when at last you find someone to whom you feel you can pour out your soul, you stop in shock at the words you utter – they are so rusty, so ugly, so meaningless and feeble from being kept in the small cramped dark inside you so long. Yes, there is joy, fulfillment and companionship – but the loneliness of the soul in its appalling self-consciousness is horrible and overpowering.”
– Sylvia Plath
“If you expect nothing from somebody you are never disappointed.”
“I saw my life branching out before me like the green fig tree in the story. From the tip of every branch, like a fat purple fig, a wonderful future beckoned and winked. One fig was a husband and a happy home and children, and another fig was a famous poet and another fig was a brilliant professor, and another fig was Ee Gee, the amazing editor, and another fig was Europe and Africa and South America, and another fig was Constantin and Socrates and Attila and a pack of other lovers with queer names and offbeat professions, and another fig was an Olympic lady crew champion, and beyond and above these figs were many more figs I couldn’t quite make out. I saw myself sitting in the crotch of this fig tree, starving to death, just because I couldn’t make up my mind which of the figs I would choose. I wanted each and every one of them, but choosing one meant losing all the rest, and, as I sat there, unable to decide, the figs began to wrinkle and go black, and, one by one, they plopped to the ground at my feet.”
“Perhaps when we find ourselves wanting everything, it is because we are dangerously close to wanting nothing.”
“I loved you
like a man loves a woman he never touches, only
writes to, keeps little photographs of. I would have
loved you more if I had sat in a small room rolling a
cigarette and listened to you piss in the bathroom,
but that didn’t happen. your letters got sadder.
your lovers betrayed you. kid, I wrote back, all
“We’re all going to die, all of us, what a circus! That alone should make us love each other but it doesn’t. We are terrorized and flattened by trivialities, we are eaten up by nothing.”
“and you invented me
and I invented you
and that’s why we don’t
on this bed
you were the world’s
now it’s your turn
to wait for the touch
of the handle.
somebody will do it
and if they don’t
you will –
mixed with your own
green or yellow or white
“I was only kidding about the hundred,” she says.
oh,” I say, “what will it cost me?”
she lights her cigarette with
my lighter and looks at me
through the flame:
her eyes tell me.
look,” I say, “I don’t think I
can ever pay that price again.”
she pulled her dress off
over her head
and I saw the panties
indented somewhat into the
it’s only human.
now we’ve got to do it.
I’ve got to do it
after all that bluff.
it’s like a party–
under the sheets
after I have snapped
off the light
her panties are still
she expects an
I can’t blame her. but
wonder why she’s here with
me? where are the other
guys? how can you be
lucky? having someone the
others have abandoned?
we didn’t have to do it
yet we had to do it.
it was something like
establishing new credibility
with the income tax
man. I get the panties
off. I decide not to tongue her. even then
I’m thinking about
after it’s over.
we’ll sleep together
trying to fit ourselves
inside the wallpaper.
I try, fail,
notice the hair on her
mostly notice the hair
and a glimpse of
I try it again.”
“she knew what she wanted and it wasn’t
I know more women like that than any
i feel unreal kisses on my shoulders
this is what love in the modern era means
the illusion of presence but the persistence of absence
the urge to type and press send to pretty words and late night confessions
the need to be understood by strangers who only share the never-ending longing,
– Vlada Bunescu,
Celine: You know, I’ve been wondering lately. Do you know anyone who’s in a happy relationship?
Jesse: Uh, yeah, sure. I know happy couples. But I think they lie to each other.
Celine: Hmf. Yeah. People can lead their life as a lie. My grandmother, she was married to this man, and I always thought she had a very simple, uncomplicated love life. But she just confessed to me that she spent her whole life dreaming about another man she was always in love with. She just accepted her fate. It’s so sad.
Jesse: I guarantee you, it was better that way. If she’d ever got to know him, I’m sure he would have disappointed her eventually.
Celine: How do you know? You don’t know them.
Jesse: Yeah, I know, I know. It’s just, people have these romantic projections they put on everything. That’s not based on any kind of reality.
– Before Sunrise
“So I began to think maybe it was true that when you were married and had children it was like being brainwashed, and afterward you went about as numb as a slave in a totalitarian state.”
“I would catch sight of some flawless man off in the distance, but as soon as he moved closer I immediately saw he wouldn’t do at all.”
“What a man wants is a mate and what a woman wants is infinite security,’ and, ‘What a man is is an arrow into the future and a what a woman is is the place the arrow shoots off from.” (-Mrs Willard to Sylvia)
“And I knew that in spite of all the roses and kisses and restaurant dinners a man showered on a woman before he married her, what he secretly wanted when the wedding service ended was for her to flatten out underneath his feet like Mrs. Willard’s kitchen mat…I also remembered Buddy Willard saying in a sinister, knowing way that after I had children I would feel differently, I wouldn’t want to write poems any more. So I began to think maybe it was true that when you were married and had children it was like being brainwashed, and afterward you went about numb as a slave in some private, totalitarian state.”
“I thought if only I had a keen, shapely bone structure to my face or could discuss politics shrewdly or was a famous writer Constantin might find me interesting enough to sleep with.
And then I wondered if as soon as he came to like me he would sink into ordinariness, and if as soon as he came to love me I would find fault, the way I did with Buddy Willard and the boys before him.”
“I couldn’t stand the idea of a woman having to have a single pure life and a man being able to have a double life, one pure and one not.”
“From the night Buddy Willard kissed me and said I must go out with a lot of boys, he made me feel I was much more sexy and experienced than he was and that everything he did like hugging and kissing and petting was simply what I made him feel like doing out of the blue, he couldn’t help it and didn’t know how it came about. Now I saw he had only been pretending all this time to be so innocent.”
ARTICLES AND LINKS
“Why milennials aren’t fucking”
“Are millennials afraid of commitment?”
“What it’s like to be head over heels for someone who doesn’t feel the same”
School of life – Why people have affairs
School of life – Why love is never as nice as it should be
School of life – In defence of ‘needy’ people
School of life – Why we’re fated to be lonely
School of life – Why we go off people who like us
School of life – Love and self love
School of life – How to handle crushes
School of life – Reasons to remain single
To my future lover: I want you to challenge me – A. Zerreitug
500 days of summer – expectations vs reality
Here’s what it feels like to be terrified of commitment – Heidi Priebe
Before Sunrise – Love
Greatist – Modern Intimacy: Explaining Commitment Phobia
ID Magazine – Why young people are so bad at texting back
Murphy, Meg. “Why Millennials Refuse to Get Married.” Now U Know 15 July 2016: n. pag.Bentley University. Web. 15 May 2017.
Cohen, Philip. “How to Live in a World Where Marriage Is in Decline.” Atlantic 4 June 2013: n. pag. The Atlantic. Web. 15 May 2017.
Donevan, Connor. “Millennials Navigate The Ups And Downs Of Cohabitation.” NPR 1 Nov. 2014: n. pag. NPR. Web. 15 May 2017.
Vrijgezellendag: ‘Hoe wij naar relaties kijken, is uit de tijd’ – Sjan Verhoeven